The Beginning

Where to start? I don't know. Is anyone reading this? Honestly, I don't care, I just need an outlet and this happens to be it for now.

Definition of outlet: A means by which something escapes, passes, or is released, in particular.

In this case, this blog will become my means of escape; a way to pass through different trials; freedom to release my pent-up feelings.

I'll just get down to it. Infertility. Yeah, that's a disgusing word. It's like a big, black monster, waiting in some deep, dark and cold area...just waiting to make itself known and rear its ugly head. I know, this sounds dramatic, but talk to someone who's actually going through and/or come in contact with this ugly monster, and it doesn't quite sound so crazy anymore.

Imagine a little girl. She loves to play princesses, dress-up and have tea parties with her teddy bears. She likes to imagine and play make-believe. She is full of hopes and dreams. The thing she loves to play most (and dream of) is the role of "Mommy" to her babies.

 

Now speed forward 15-20 years... She is happily married, and has been blessed with the most precious gift -motherhood. She has a beautiful daughter -and LOVES every single minute with her. Her daughter is sweet, adorable, loving and everything she wished. She spends her days teaching her little girl, playing make-believe, nurturing her, and giving her as much as she can to help her succeed in life...

 

Enter the dark black monster spoken of earlier. Infertility. She can't seem to give her little girl a sibling. First, 6 months went by. Then another 6. Then another. Now, nearly another. Still there is no sign of another baby. The mother tries to be brave. She tries to fight off the whispers of the dark monster. She tries to press forward -to keep her hope bright. Still, that ugly monster remains, settling over her and blotting out the rays of hope she tries to carry.

Don't get me wrong. I. LOVE. MY. DAUGHTER. I KNOW there are millions around the world that will never know the joy of having even one child. If she is all I can have, I will ALWAYS be grateful. Still, it hurts a lot knowing I may not ever be able to have another. It hurts more than a lot.

So what am I doing? Again -it's called an outlet. I need this. I need to vent my frustrations and feelings, if for no other reason than to release them.

Until next time.